After a highly symptomatic summer, I recently received a diagnosis of boat fever. Apparently, it is incurable. But don’t worry, it isn’t terminal, and the symptoms are bothersome only during the 
winter months. I looked it up on WebMD and mayoclinic.org and came up empty, so I created my own entry.
Who’s at Risk?
Anyone who loves beaches, the ocean, or is drawn to any other body of water. Adventure-seekers, explorers, and thrill-seekers also are at risk. Individuals who enjoy having fun with friends and family are susceptible too.
What are the Symptoms?
- Paying close attention to weather reports to identify good boating days
- A willingness to drop nearly everything when the weather is perfect for boating
- The inability to comprehend why other people might choose non-boating or indoors activities during boating season (“You want to see a movie when its 80 degrees and sunny . . . why?”)
- Taking on the role of cruise director for your family and friends
- A near-instantaneous feeling of relaxation, contentment, and exhilaration upon leaving the harbor
When to Contact Your Doctor
It’s incurable, and there are no treatment programs or clinical trials, so don’t bother. And, by the way, most people who are diagnosed with boat fever don’t want to find a cure (even in the most severe cases, like me). The symptoms can be managed by spending as much time as possible on the water.
Disclaimer: This article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you think this is a real medical condition, you have no sense of humor.